What's a Demisexual, and Why Should We Care?
A crop of "alternative sexualities" has its pitfalls
New York governor Andrew Cuomo’s daughter Michaela Kennedy-Cuomo recently caused a stir by announcing via Instagram that she identifies as “demisexual,” after earlier coming out as “queer.” If you’re wondering what “demisexual” is or why anyone should care, you’re not alone. But the controversy does tell us something about the cultural zeitgeist.
The past decade has seen an expansion in the number of alternative sexualities. The dating app Hinge lists 21 options, from the standard straight/gay/lesbian/bisexual to less well known ones like “skoliosexual” (specifically attracted to non-binary/trans people) and “sapiosexual” (attracted to or sexually excited by intelligence).
Some are simply new words made up to describe ordinary concepts. “Allosexual” sounds exotic but means simply “someone who feels sexual attraction to other people” (i.e. not asexual). “Graysexual” means “not entirely asexual but rarely feeling sexual attraction.” And then there’s demisexual, a subset of gray asexuality defined as being able to feel sexual attraction to someone only if you have developed an emotional bond with the person. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) claims to have invented the term in 2008 but it may date back to 2006, when a user of the AVEN forum coined it to describe his sexual preference.
At this point, an obvious response is: Why would every personal preference be it’s own sexual orientation? Here, Kennedy-Cuomo gives us a hint…
Enjoyed this excerpt? To read the full piece, and to gain full access to Arc Digital, become a member for $8 per month or $80 for the year.